It has been a while since my last blog post for a myriad of reasons, ranging from covid to medical issues to soaking up time with my son. I welcomed a break from chemotherapy, which allowed my whole being to strengthen and re-energize. Not only was I able to spend more time with my family, but I was also able to create again. While I enjoy writing and appreciate the outlet it provides, it has never been my primary source of expression. It was refreshing to draw, paint, crochet, and play the piano (my hands still needed a break from violin strings). My medical break reaffirm my reasons for living. This carried me through my adrenal gland surgery as well as prepared me to start chemotherapy again. However, my undergoing surgery and resuming chemotherapy has been hard on my son.
Even though my son is only four, my husband and I both agreed to be honest with him. Children tend to pickup on stress or tension in the room and hear far more than adults think they do. We try to explain procedures and treatments in terms he will understand. For example, my adrenal gland surgery was performed robotically. My son loves robots and Transformers, so the fact that the doctor was going to use a robot to remove the tumor was beyond cool to him. Granted he probably has this vision of Optimus Prime performing my surgery, but that is okay (doctor are real-life superheroes after all). We also describe the chemotherapy as tiny Kung Fu Panda characters attacking the cancer cells. While these tricks help, they do not always calm him down.
Enter music.
If you have been following my stories on Instagram, you know that I use certain songs to center myself or get into fight mode before scans, surgeries, and chemotherapy rounds. Prior to my surgery in October I played Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” for my son when he was getting upset. It worked wonders; instead of crying or clinging to me he got up, danced around, and pretended to fight the cancer. The song has become our song and we play it whenever he feels upset. I still tell him that is okay to be scared, but the important thing is that we show up, try our best, and lead with kindness. So, here is to all of you finding your fight song.
Music is a magic like no other; it can do incredible, unexplainable things.
~Tom Fletcher, The Christmasaurus
The Artfelt Brush 