Letting Go of Fear

Fear, fear, fear…for the past six months my life has been consumed by fear. Fear of my cancer returning, fear of my son getting hurt, fear of germs, fear of going out in public, fear of another large earthquake, and fear of moving. I spent most of my time feeling like the man in Edvard Munich’s The Scream. Even the colors and flow of the painting resonated with my emotions; a steady stream of anxiety swirling within my body. I was left feeling drained and at a loss for a solution. How was I going to deal with the fear? I could not let it continue to rule my life.

I tried using the tricks that help me survive CT scan days, but they did very little to ease my anxiety levels. I began to see that this was not something I could defeat alone. Fortunately our move to Colorado came at the right time. The cancer center where I receive chemotherapy treatments offers counseling services as well. I began EMDR therapy two weeks ago and can already feel a shift in my anxiety levels. The two large earthquakes I experienced opened my fear floodgates directing the primary focus of my sessions. The goal is to desensitize my brain to load noises or any jarring movements within the house as well as dampen the memories of the earthquakes. The other fears I carry may not go away, but at least they will not rule my life.

Although I am still attending counseling sessions, I feel a huge sense of relief. Partly due to the fact that someone is helping me sort through my fears and partly due to my realization that it is okay to let things go. Whether it is an emotion, thought, experience, or material object I do not have to hold on to it if it does not bring joy to my life. It is okay to let things go (cue “Let It Go” from Frozen).

Courage is knowing what not to fear. ~Plato